So how did you get here under my skin -

I need to really work on managing my very volatile emotions, which usually tend to spiral out of control when stress takes over me.

And Criminal Minds is the absolute shizz.

Back.

After getting various requests to revive my blog, I have finally relented.
And yes, I do miss blogging. Kinda.
Anyway it was a good hiatus of some sort because there is ESSENTIALLY NOTHING TO BLOG ABOUT IN THIS SAD EXAM MUGGING PERIOD. Which isn't going too well but at least I started early on the stupidest subject of amath.

Yesterday bridged at Macs again for the whole afternoon (damn it just seems so much more appealing than mugging) and bridged again in Subway in the evening. This is what happens when you don't have a life, instead of going out to shop or doing something more productive like watching a movie. Which you don't because you want to go and "study'. But you end up not doing that either way.

F1 F1 F1 F1 <3333333333333
Qualifying tonight!
Bro went to catch kimi and fischi in action at Orchard Ion on Wednesday, but they didn't give any autographs which was such a pity. Got a couple of lame pictures of the sides of their faces.
And to burst everyone's stupid bubble, HAMILTON IS NOT NOT NOT NOT NOT HOT.
Ewwwwwwwwwwww. He looks like a girl.

Won't be back for some time, but keep posted for updates!

AND PEOPLE IT'LL BE NICE IF YOU GUYS SPAM MY TAGBOARD.
Because an empty tagboard is just...demoralizing.

Epic Bridge session for four hours at Macs after school yesterday with vic, rach and yiting.

I love Bridge.

Lovefool.

Went back to school with much reluctance and a certain weariness. Had a great sleep during reading period for a whole 40 minutes.
But that was at the end of the day.

MFB pissed me and nat off big-time in the morning. Grrr. Wasn't a good start to a new monday.
Played tennis during PE and honestly the soft balls are just ridiculous.
Bridged during recess, watched more US Open when I came home.
Federer's in the final!<3
And Kim Clijsters won the ladies single, yay to the comeback mom!(:

Bus ride with treeza (for a short while) and ange was comforting in some sense. Miss those guys.
So were the long phone chats with crystle and den during the previous weekend.
It's little things like these that perk up dreary mundane life.

Super honeymoon.

Random thingys.

1) Subway dinner with A and double J on friday evening.
2) ANTM is as high-profile as ever. GO FO!
3) Project Runway's coming back! yay.
4) This week has been as unproductive as a lawnmower on a newly-mowed lawn.
5) Writing poems and proses make me really happy.
6) I need to watch Fringe.
7) All Parkway needs now is a cinema.
9) F1 IS COMING TO SINGAPORE SOON OHGOSHOHGOSH THERESA CAN YOU GO WITH ME TO SEE THEM IF THEY HAVE PROMOTIONAL EVENTS OR SOMETHING?
10) The year passes too fast.

of better moments;

In a fit of emotional distress, I deleted my tagboard.
Might put it back up next time, but for now, there's nothing.

My eyes are super puffy and I have a runny nose.
Tears shed could actually fill a jug.
2am nights kill me.

One day, I'd like to see the world in a different light.

Wednesday night-

did not turn out the way it was supposed to. Everything was planned indiscriminately, rushed down to cathay cineleisure in my sloppy fbts and baggy shirt (because I had forgotten to bring my clothes after tennis!!), hence contributing to the image of nonchalent overly-casual Singaporeans who trail all over Singapore in flip flops and shorts. Looked totally out of place in a sea of glammed-up women with their male counterparts strutting down orchard road. Arrived at Cathay to find tickets for Time Traveler's Wife already sold out for the 7.25 pm show. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

The next few events were a blur of hysteria and utter frustration- waited aeons and aeons for everyone (and the best part was that NONE of them were contactable), had to buy the Straits Times from 7-11 and comb through the entire movie section for other suitable timings at other places, travelled all the way down to dhoby ghaut and then there was some ridiculous misunderstanding and my temper flared and I was literally on the verge of tears. Finally, and I mean FINALLY, met vic, rach, nat and tessa at cathay cineleisure back again.

Lolled around at the foodcourt before proceeding to Gloria Jeans' and in the end, watched the movie with rach and vic at 9.40pm (rest couldn't make it due to impending curfews) But interestingly the whole "outing" was rather fun in a sadistic piss-me-off-like-shit way (because I absolutely detest being late for movies, a total pet peeve and the stupid travelling up and down and miscommunication and inadvertent dying of everyone's phones) I got to settle down in the cinema (first row wasn't too bad I guess) all tired from the night's tumult of events.

Time Traveler's Wife was rather disappointing - yes it's basically like The Notebook and the chemistry between Rachel McAdams and Eric Bana was great, but the story had many loopholes and the pace was very uneven - too many short scenes and I didn't have enough time to form a strong emotional connection with the story because all the scenes seemed too quick and brief, and then it'll quickly switch to yet another scene. And some parts were really, uhh sappy.
It was sad, but I merely teared, so did Vic - but Rach cried her eyes out and I swear I have never seen anyone cry so hard in a movie before. But the movie did leave an impression on me - it was heart-renching to a certain extent and my mind was left reeling from the after-effects of witnessing a love tested by the strands of time.

Overall the show was saved by the two strong leads - but I'm glad I watched it. Planning to buy the book by Audrey Niffenegger! Cabbed home with vic and rach at midnight. Very spooky.

We're pulling apart and coming together again and again.

I am not supposed to be on the computer! Dammit.
I'm actually very grateful I withdrew from cap primary for the sake of my FYES.
And though progress is slow beyond slow, I've done surds for Amath! YAY.
So just around maybe 11 and 3/4 chapters more, plus all the other subjects.

:(

On a random note,

I shouldn't think so much.
I shouldn't think so much.
I shouldn't think so much.

2 facts about me-
1) I am probably the most insecure person in the world. Insecure about everything.
2) I have a huge inferiority complex that I always try to hide.

I'm always so scared.

Of so, so many things.

of one day being alone.
that people are really as superficial as they seem.
that one day I'll be no different.
that one day I'll be the same
as them.

why do we like to hurt so much
why do we like to hurt so much

YES THIS IS A CRY FOR HELP.

OKAY THIS IS VERY RANDOM AND OUT OF THE BLUE-ISH, AND I KNOW ALMOST EVERYONE HAS GOTTEN MY SMS, BUT -

If you happen to have these books of mine (which have been missing for almost two years, just that I gave up on finding them, but now I'm desperate to recover all):
PLEASE PLEASE I AM GOING DOWN ON MY KNEES AND BEGGING YOU PLEASE RETURN THEM TO ME.

1) Pretty little Liars "Perfect" (a pink hardcover thick book with some plastic doll barbie wannabe on the front) IT COST FREAKING THIRTY DOLLARS AND IT'S BRAND NEW AND ALL WRAPPED UP AND I WAS PROBABLY THE ONLY ONE IN SINGAPORE WHO HAD IT BACK THEN BECAUSE I WENT ALL THE WAY DOWN TO KINOKUNIYA TO GET MY COPY WHEN THE FIRST FIVE BOOKS WERE SHIPPED TO SINGAPORE
.
2) Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (The first EVER Harry Potter book I ever bought, and IF YOU'RE A HARRY POTTER FANATIC WHO FAINTLY REMEMBERS HAVING BORROWED IT FROM ME A DECADE AGO PLEASE DIG IT OUT OF YOUR MUSTY SHELF AND RETURN IT) And my brothers are scolding me like shit now for destroying the collection.

3) The Sisterhood of The Traveling Pants (My all-time favourite book, despite its chick lit content, it's the most poignant, relatable, touching chit-lit book I have ever read, PLEASE IF YOU HAVE IT DON'T BE A SELFISH BITCH AND KEEP IT FOR YOURSELF)

4) Size 12 is not Fat by MEG CABOT (Lost it in secondary one, after giving it up for some stupid class reading corner thing and I NEVER GOT IT BACK)

So any 2e3/1e3 people, PLEASE PLEASE CHECK YOUR HOUSE AND RECALL WHETHER YOU HAVE ANY OF THESE BOOKS. It would really mean the world to me and I'd appreciate it so much.
THANKS SO MUCH THANKS A BILLION.

SORRY MIND THE RANTING I AM SO PISSED NOW.
Argh.
I am NEVER going to lend any more books out to ANYONE ever again unless I know they can be trusted. Because over the years, I've lost more than TEN books, and that is a big deal because all my books are not cheap and they do contain sentimental value. My book collection is slowly diminishing in quantity.
Lost two of my precious Jacqueline Wilson books back in Primary school (Double Act, Bad Girls) and just recently I lost the Fruits Basket manga (though it's not that important, and I don't read it anymore, BUT STILL) I brought to school to sell, after someone borrowed it without asking me. AND I AM PRETTY SURE ALL MY BOOKS ARE WITH SOMEONE BECAUSE I HAVE COMBED MY HOUSE A BILLION TIMES.
My god I am so angry.
Not so much of people borrowing the book and forgetting to return it, but especially when PEOPLE JUST PASS MY BOOKS AROUND FREELY WITHOUT INFORMING ME THAT THEY'VE LENT IT TO SOMEBODY AND HENCE I CAN'T KEEP TRACK OF WHO HAS MY BOOK.

I just can't stand irresponsibility of that sort, especially since I always willingly lend people my books. AND THEN THEY JUST DISAPPEAR. SO MUCH FOR GENEROSITY AND MAGNANIMOUSNESS.

Okay I'm done.

Bright eyes and subtle variations of blue.

Last friday of the term, went nuts and started yelling my head off and screaming after guides.
Got insanely wet and splashed water all over myself during wet games, being the station master was extremely slack and caught up with raseena while carrying pails of water to the basketball court.
Nearly died carrying my pile of books and uniform bag to parkway- many thanks to jas, jerry and athena for relieving some of my burden (my arms were literally numb and immune to ache after struggling to support the massive load before)

Four fo us decided to pon our respective tuitions, I mean for goodness sake who would want to spend the last friday of the term before the holidays doing chinese/chemistry?
Traipsed about Parkway (though we only walked for a really short while but it felt like we were lumbering through a jungle with 10 kg bags on our shoulders) with dinner at Subway, somehow today the energy level was unusually low - we were all rather lackadaisical and exhausted, (despite the fact that the wet games weren't physically draining) but the spirit soon picked up after devouring hot subs and cookies. Laughed over the confounding abnormalities of the human body, showcased bendy fingers and creepy flexible joints, bridged for two hours and I only won one measly game (that's what you get when you play with pros) before finally getting warned by the manager that no poker cards were allowed in the premises. We seriously bring tkgs a bad name. Then went all the way to macs and sat down there shamelessly without buying anything just to complete our game of bridge that had been abandoned halfway in subway after the warning.

I can't say how I relieved I am that the september holidays have arrived - couldn't have been a better timing.

Wistful musings-

LIT FYE IS OVER. Paper was alright, just that the unseen prose and poem were really difficult. Never encountered such a difficult unseen before:O but at least now there's one less paper to mug for. Bridged non-stop during recess (den, ws crashed) and YITING IF YOU'RE READING THIS, I love you and you're gonna kick ass in Bridge soon okay, we just love teasing you hahaha.

Evening:

Went with Beth for Hwa Chong's English Drama club quartet of plays, a great way to spend the evening and pass the time. Was thoroughly entertained by the amusing comical performances, and their SYF piece "More" was pretty good, though I found it very complex and befuddling in the beginning (but in the end everything started falling into place and making sense) I am slow. The extra cheena performance by the chinese drama club was long-winded, and I was lost half the time - evidence of my inability to comprehend chinese, whilst most of the people (except Beth, who was equally bewildered by the chinese dialogue) were laughing their heads off in the auditorium.

Met a few CAPpers there, charmaine, shaun, alethea, ryanne, rei and hyo lim, and some of the councillors - I'm finally beginnning to see the whole rgs ri hci nyg circle of connections, it's becoming even more prominent and obvious, why didn't I see it before? Wouldn't have even known of the play had Ryan not informed me and gotten me tics. So having a sibling part of the elitist culture comes rather handy at times.

Tonight brought back a lot of memories, and just made me reflect on everything that has happened this year, on CAP, on people, on new experiences and lost chances, on forgotten goals and unfulfilled resolutions, on summer flings without the sex (hahaha beth!) and unrealistic yearnings. It amazes me how time flies so quickly (a cliched phrase, but yes) - it seemed like just yesterday when sec three first began, teeming with all sorts of promising possiblities, and you're all enbroiled in the pandemonium and chaos of first day, of new classmates and changes and grillings that the o's will be a 2 year course, and then you're suddenly whizzed to the present and it dawns on you that the year is about to come to a close (not yet, but it will soon). Time and tide waits for no man, but I wish I could just stop time, just for a fleeting moment, because I know 10.53 am of 3rd September 2009 won't ever come back again, because I don't want my days to pass so quickly and insignificantly, because time is irrecoverable.

Ironically, I'm watching the Time Traveler's Wife next week - I plan to wallow myself in the melancholy and penitence of unwisely spent days and lost moments then.

Perfect Symmetry.

Why does Singapore love celebrating mediocrity?
Singapore Idol's on now, some girl just butchered and slaughtered Pink's "So What", it was so bad that Michael even clutched his ears, his face contorted in agony.

Mind the short posts, life's just been stressful and shitty and screwy and crappy and I can't wait for tomorrow even though it's just one FYE down and seven more to go.

For the last time, I am going to start earlier and stop the crash-coursing.

PS. I'm addicted to facebook.

Another September;

If I could, I would throw To Kill A Mockingbird into a roaring fire right now and watch the flames eat all the pages up. STUPID BOOK GO AND DIE.

Lit FYE on thursday is stressing me out:(

And so August ends and September's here.
Just like that.