Okay so just to inform everyone, my operation's tomorrow morning.
Basically it's a muscle transplant, they're gonna take a muscle from my thigh and insert it into the left side of my face. I already had the nerve transplant last year, but without a muscle a nerve can't work, so yes gotta go for this op. This time's gonna be quite major, might have to stay in hospital for a few days, and the rest of the year will be spent recuperating at home. Won't be able to walk for some time, and it'll take approximately a year at the most for my whole face to swell down. My left side will be swollen due to the muscle transplanted, it'll take many months for it to shrink.

I don't really know how I feel right now, scared; anxious; nervous. Maybe it's a combination of all these emotions, but criminal minds for the past fifteen hours on the net has kept my mind occupied from thinking about the op. Truth is, I'm afraid of so many things - the final moments before the surgery are indeed always the most nerve-wracking ones, I hope I'll manage to remain calm and composed like last year which wasn't too bad. But I guess this time isn't really the same.

I'm afraid that what I'll look like after I recover fully won't meet my expectations. I can't expect for a totally perfect face, the only thing the op's gonna do is make my smile more symmetrical; when the right side moves the left side will automatically move too, but I don't know. I'm afraid I still won't be happy.

But regardless, I want to thank everyone for their utmost concern and well-wishes, they mean the world to me, they really do. Thank you all so, so much. (: I keep crying whenever I think of everyone's concern. Love you all.

I know everyone accepts me for who I am, regardless of how I look, but I need to learn to accept myself first. And I've never been able to do that. So hopefully the op will be for the better. I guess Bell's Palsy isn't a big deal compared to other people. There are tons more people out there who are so much less fortunate than me , and I know I should be so thankful for what I already have. But sometimes it just takes a toll on me. Maybe not many people know this, but I have a huge inferiority complex, I just don't show it. I try to be friendly to everyone, but the truth is, on meeting new people, I'm always so afraid they'll judge me before they even get to know me. First impressions are always important. The only thing I have left is personality.

I don't know why I just bared half my soul in this very public blog, but yeah maybe it's pre op nerves. I feel a little better now actually! Hahaha. Got the entire season two of gossip girl to entertain me during my hospital stay, borrowed my neighbour's portable dvd player, YAY! I'll probably die without criminal minds and the internet (OH GOODNESS FACEBOOK!) but I just bought The Lovely Bones, and I'm really looking forward to reading that book. Can't wait to catch the movie, the trailer looks amazing.

The nerves will probably come back to haunt me later. Looks like it's gonna be a sleepless night.

(: Bye guys, cya soon.